It Doesn't matter

She found me.  Even in the darkness, the middle of the night, with the tall grass enveloping me, she found me.  

I knew it was her when the screen door slammed shut and the laces of her beat up Converse scratched against the deck.  Her mother always complained she needed to pick up her feet and walk like a lady, but she always snorted and rolled her eyes.

She was a lot better at this than I was.

"Mercy."  She laid down in the grass, right next to me.  She was the only one who didn't call me by my real name, Mercedes.  She said I was too perfect and beautiful for such a
cold name.  So I was Mercy.

"Alexandria."  I didn't look at her, just stared up at the pitch-black sky, trying to count the stars.  It wasn't easy.  Nothing was easy nowadays.

"No, you're right.  Life's been hell for you, huh?"  She soothed.  She reached out to run a hand through my thick black hair, but stopped, her hands falling to her stomach.

I arched my back, feeling uncomfortable.  Had I said that out loud?  I had been playing as strong for all this time, but now I fell apart.  The tears were hot as they trickled down my cheeks.  I was so cold…

Alex scooted even closer to me, tangling her fingers in mine.  Her bright pink hair mixed with mine, causing the two colors to clash and mingle at the same time.

She brushed her free hand against my face, smudging away a few tears and the black makeup that was streaking down my face.  She didn't say anything.  Just sighed.  And then used her sweatshirt sleeve to wipe away all the makeup on my face, leaving me bare.  This was the most exposed I had felt.  Ever.

"I wish they didn't care.  I'm afraid, Alex," I whispered.  What would my friends say about me.

She inhaled, preparing for a long lecture.  "If they really were your friends, they wouldn't care.  They wouldn't make fun of you, wouldn't abandon you…" She drifted off and looked beyond me and into the sky.  

We were both silent for a minute.  But she wasn't finished.

"And I've told you.  I fight for who I love, not what they are."

She had 'come out' before I had.  Exactly two years before I had, actually.  It kinda comforted me to know that I wasn't totally alone in this.  That I had a guide.  Because my parents and their weak smiles wouldn't help, and neither would my friends, who only laughed and kept their distance, like I was some kind of monster.  Guys still watched me in disbelief as I walked down the halls with Alex, shaking their heads.  What a waste.

My heart felt torn in two.  And Alex seemed to get that.  

"I can leave you be."  She started to stand, but I pulled her back down.

"No.  Don't.  I love you, Alex."  There.  I'd said it.  

She stared at me, confused.  "What?  Really?"

I shrugged.  "I don't even know if that's right or whatever.  But, yeah…I do.  I really, really do.  Enough to ignore everyone and just forget it all."

I was breathing heavily, my chest rising and falling too fast.  Alex didn't even look like she was breathing at all.

"I—I love you too.  I honestly just thought this was going to burn out and you'd go back to being what everybody wants and calls normal—"

I rolled my eyes.  She always ranted.  "Shut up."

She paused and widened her eyes at me.  "Excuse me?"

"Shut up so I can kiss you."  And I did.  For once, I was the one making the first move, and I kissed her.  Her soft, pink lips.  And I felt totally exposed and totally happy at the same time.