Finding Heart in a Misfit--15

Parker:

"Here we are."  Carter cut the engine and leaned back in his seat.

I looked at the music shop.  It was eleven, and the place was totally abandoned.  
Inside was pitch-black save for the moon, which splotched inside, light glinting off one lone triangle.  It sparkled and glowed among the clutter.

Carter's phone buzzed from its spot in the cup holder.  The silence was so loud and fragile.  The cup holder vibrated with every buzz.  I thought the sunroof above us was going to shatter and fall to the ground and fall from all the pressure.  I felt it on me.  Surely he felt the same?  Probably not.  Why should he be afraid?

I was waiting to be dismissed, probably with some blow—physically or mentally.  It was a surprise tonight.  Nothing was happening.  Carter still held the wheel, staring ahead as he always did.  This was so familiar.  I kept waiting, and waiting, but nothing happened.  What was this?!  I was almost expectant of something.  My skin felt numb.  I decided to take the chance and bolt.  I unlatched the car lock and grabbed the handle.

"Parker?"  I felt a hand on my wrist, and turned.  So close.  The door was halfway
open, but I wasn't going anywhere.

He stopped.  I stared, doubtfully, sitting on my knees.  Eternity.

Suddenly, he was pulling me closer, leaning in.  His lips met mine, rather forcefully.  A tremor of shock tugged me away.  He kept a hand behind my head, teasing my hair even more than it had been before.  I took a breath, and was back under.

Oh, but I hadn't been kissed in so long.  It made me sad just thinking about it, and also excited.  This was a very long kiss.  This wasn't a short, friendly kiss.  It was forceful, but still innocent.  He pressed his lips harder into mine, tasting the metal of my piercings.  A flicker of hope.  Could we fix this?

He said something, his lips parting on mine.  "Mmm," I answered, not exactly sure what was going on.  One of his hands slid from my head to the small of my back.
He pulled away, looking me up and down.  He smirked.  "Now where's this Parker been for so long?"

I shrugged.  The door was still open, cool air tickling my foot.  My shoe had somehow fallen off.  I shook the other one off, and looked back to Carter.
'Hidden by so many mistakes.  She's been cowering,' I wanted to say, but I was tired of this.  No more mistakes.

He drew my head back to his.  The console that had warped the skin on my arm now acted as a divider between us, digging into my stomach.  Any last regrets before I let you go? it asked.

Right now?  Not that I knew of.
Would they come?  Probably.

_______________


Twenty minutes later, I was finally getting out of his car.  Actually, I was still seated.  I still hadn't gotten my permission.  I gripped the sides of the seat, heels back on my feet.  The light atmosphere in the car still held all the conversations we had just held, punctuated by kisses.

Carter laughed at nothing in particular.  He was obviously high on the moment.  Last time I had seen him like this, he was so happy to be bringing me home after hours of begging at a party.

Why was there always a last time?  Couldn't there just be a this time?

He leaned over, eyes smiling into mine.  "And one more thing," he murmured, lips brushing my ear.  I leaned in further.  "I'm going on vacation with the 'rents."
I felt one door close and one door of opportunities open. We couldn't fix this.  But I had a free summer.

The mixed emotions registered across my face.  I could even see them, my reflection glinting faintly in the windshield in front of me.  Some Eminem song was on low, the green light on the dashboard was glowing.  Carter's keys sat in the cup holder with his phone, which he had turned off, ignoring the barrage of messages from Jenny while he spent time with his other girlfriend.  I stared down at my arms.  My makeup was wearing off again.  I stared at the many rubber bracelets and worn strings on my wrist, but a blue mark was peeping between the crisscrossing lines.  I studied my fingers one at a time, the silver ring I still wore on my finger as a mark.

"But here's the deal," Carter continued.  "Our extra beach house?  The couple coming down with us dropped out last minute."

"So…"  He began fingering my studded earring.  "I want you to come."

I didn't answer, so he thought I was drowning in pleasure.

"Imagine.  You, me, Aruba.  Three months.  Maybe more.  The beach has a really nice sunset, too."  He kissed my ear, then my cheek.

"I'd love to."  I found myself automatically trying to please him.

He let out a low laugh.  "I knew it.  So it's set."

I held his hand, away from me.  I feigned annoyance.  "Yeah, to bad I still have to convince my parents."

His face fell.  He rolled his eyes.  "Just tell them my parents will be there.  And we're just friends.  And we'll totally behave."

"Good one," I praised,  nodding slowly.  Too bad I wasn't going to tell them.  I wasn't afraid of a no, I was afraid of a yes.

A call came through from my mom.  Carter stopped kissing my ear to eye the screen.  
It wasn't a threat to him, so he brushed it off.  I planted a hand on his forehead, lightly pushing him away.  He didn't bother to hide his annoyance.

"Yeah?" I answered with the same frustration, but for a completely different reason from Carter.

"Where are you?  It's almost one in the morning."  She wasn't joking.  Oh crap.  She was actually mad.

"I'll be home in ten."  I avoided her question.

"But who are you with?  Parker, what are you doing?"  I hung up.

I picked my large purse up off the floor.  "I've got to go.  Mom's flipping out."
He actually looked disappointed.  I leaned over to kiss his cheek, leaving a shiny stain of lip gloss.  He leaned back and smiled.  

"Bye, babe."
I cringed.  I hated that word.  Most girls swooned when they heard it, but I only
wanted to throw up.  

I stopped him before he floored the gas.  "When's Aruba?"

"Saturday."  He was smiling still.

"This Saturday?  Tomorrow?"  I asked, jaw dropping.

"Yeah.  Call me.  I love you," he called before tearing off, leaving me in a cloud of dust, purse swinging in my arm, gathering every dull word he threw my way.  Now I could add I, Love, and You to the collection.